Hold Me
by Celesti Rivers
Summary: Regulus wasn't quite sure why he was kissing her, but he supposed it was a way to distract himself from his own certain future - a looming Dark Mark. However, he didn't care right then, because nothing had ever felt as good as kissing Emmeline Vance. One-shot.


**This one-shot is written for:**

 **History of Magic (Assignment #1) on the _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ forum**

 **The Race through Hogwarts (prompts: London, knitting) on the _Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges_ Forum**

 **ALSO, big thank you to Emmeebee for beta reading this! :D**

 **Word Count: 2831**

* * *

 _21 August 1977_

After their first kiss, Regulus had managed to convince himself that it was purely physical. That's what he would have said if anyone found out - surely, at least Avery and Mulciber, the crudest of them all, would have understood that. They might have even supported his explanation, with some horrible quip about how if Mudbloods had any purpose, it would be to serve men like them.

They had been careful, though, so Avery and Mulciber had never found out.

After their second kiss, Regulus had realized that he would rather his fellow Slytherins didn't discover his secret. If they did, Regulus would have had no choice but to hurt her, and the mere thought of doing such a thing had made him nauseous. Still made him nauseous.

That had been the first time Regulus realized that there was no turning away from what he had started - and the thought of that hadn't seemed unpleasant at all.

Now, he had lost track of the number of kisses they shared, and that was perfectly fine with him. He much preferred to just hold her close to him for the remainder of the brief time they would have left together than to bother keeping count. She had fallen asleep, he realized, as her breaths grew shallower and her head came to rest, perfectly still, on his shoulder, her arm sprawled across his abdomen. A small blanket that she had knitted herself - something she had proudly stated when she had shown it to him a couple of weeks earlier - sparsely covered them.

This was how he wanted to remember her. Peaceful. He hated that he would have to be the one to wipe that tranquil look off her face.

* * *

 _1 September 1976_

If Emmeline were a good-natured, optimistic, well-meaning person, she would have at least commended Black on his impeccable punctuality.

However, that did not describe Emmeline at all, so she decided against saying anything and resorted to fuming to herself.

"Do you think we're early?"

Emmeline's head snapped up from her hands, which were fidgeting with the tips of her light brown hair, to give Regulus a blank look as she coldly replied, "I suppose so."

In fact, Emmeline did not suppose so at all. She was quite certain that they had arrived on time for the first Prefects' meeting of the year. It annoyed Emmeline that, somehow, she had arrived before Lily Evans, leaving her alone with the prattiest prat of all time.

Needless to say, she was not happy with the disappointing start to her fifth year.

Not a second later, though, the compartment door violently slid open to reveal a fuming Lily Evans, with Frank Longbottom and Alice McRoy in tow. _Blimey, has James already said something to get her angry?_ Emmeline thought in amazement. That must have been a record of sorts.

Lily's eyes landed on Emmeline and she let out a heavy sigh, her anger diffusing away with it, as she greeted, "Oh, Emmeline, I'm so glad to see you. I heard you were appointed Prefect. Told you the extra work was worth it."

Emmeline rolled her eyes but smiled at Lily nonetheless. "I'm sure that's what did it," she replied sarcastically.

Lily raised an eyebrow at Emmeline's sarcasm as she sat down next to her, but the redhead was already extremely used to the younger girl's snark. Soon enough, the rest of the prefects filed into the small compartment, and Alice and Frank commenced the meeting. Emmeline considered giving Dumbeldore a strong pat on the back, if she ever got the chance, for pairing the two of them up for Head Boy and Girl. Alice was the sensible Hufflepuff, and Frank was the impulsive Gryffindor - they would work together just fine.

Merlin forbid they broke up, though. That would leave the school in a complete shambles. Emmeline found it difficult to imagine anything being cheery in that castle if the two of them didn't smile at every turn.

Suddenly, people were standing and leaving the compartment, and Emmeline realized the meeting was over. She patiently waited until the opportunity to move presented itself. Her eyes met Regulus' as she stood up, but he only scowled in reply. _Sirius is right_ , Emmeline thought to herself as she exited, _he's a right gloomy bugger._

Emmeline had not seen Regulus leave the compartment, so it scared the daylights out of her when she heard his voice out of nowhere.

"I expect I'll be seeing you soon," he said, his tone filled with contrived cordiality.

Emmeline whipped around, a startled look in her eyes as she replied, "Pardon?"

Regulus raised a judging eyebrow as he answered, "Prefect duties. We were partnered together for patrols on Fridays after dinner. Were you even listening?"

Emmeline scoffed. "Of course!" _Not_. "See you then," she added sourly as she turned around and continued on her way.

* * *

 _17 December 1976_

When Regulus had first heard that he was partnered with that unfriendly, irritating Mudblood, he had been just about ready to throw his Prefect badge out the window.

The others had _just_ begun to quit their teasing about him being related to Sirius - the 'Heir Gone Wrong,' as they called him - only for him to be expected to spend two hours every Friday evening with Emmeline Vance.

He had been certain that spending Friday evenings with filth like her was just about as lowly as one could get. Surely, he would have been just as much of a laughing stock as Severus Snape. He had immediately been able to imagine the letters from his mother. ' _What's this that Demura Mulciber is telling me about you spending time with a Mudblood? Her son saw you, Regulus! With his own two eyes! His own two eyes! HE SAW YOU!_ '

Perhaps, she would even send a howler, and then the whole bleeding school would know.

Now, three months later, Regulus imagined that their idiotic family owl had dropped the letter. More optimistically, though, the infamous boneheads of Slytherin, especially Caleb Mulciber, might not have been as dense as Regulus first imagined, and had possibly realized that his partnership with Vance was out of his hands.

Regulus decided he would prefer the optimistic alternative, since, after three months of patrols, he began to enjoy Emmeline's company.

And he _loathed_ admitting it.

"Stay sharp, Black," Emmeline said with a smirk on her face, breaking him out of his thoughts. "These are our last fifteen minutes together for the rest of the year. Wouldn't want to slack now, would you?"

Regulus smiled in reply as he said, "You clearly know nothing about me - and after three whole months. I'm offended, Vance."

Emmeline's smirk spread into a grin as she replied, "I'll admit, with fifteen minutes to go, I'm getting a little sentimental. You're not as bigoted as you make yourself out to be, Reg."

Regulus scoffed, but he took her words kindly, for some reason. "And you're not as dense as you appear, Em," Regulus shot back. "It's a real surprise, actually, with all of that time you spend around Sirius."

Regulus wasn't sure why he added that part about Sirius, but Emmeline's brow furrowed in reply, an amused smile on her lips, as she replied, "Being in the same house doesn't mean I spend every living, breathing moment around him, you know. I don't know how you Slytherins do things, but us Gryffindors aren't all joined at the hip. Although, really, if anyone adds density to Gryffindor, it's got to be McLaggen. What a prat, I tell you."

A small laugh escaped Regulus. He figured that was what he enjoyed most about Emmeline's presence. She could take a joke, and she was just about the most honest person in the entire school. If he even dared to call Narcissa 'dense,' joking or not, she would likely impale him with a broomstick. Emmeline was a refreshing change from the Slytherin girls that Regulus knew.

For obvious reasons, he would never say this out loud to anyone. Some things were meant to stay buried, and his friendship with Emmeline Vance was one of them.

* * *

 _18 February 1977_

"I heard it's your birthday today."

Regulus looked up from the book in his hands to see Emmeline giving him a concerned smile. _A concerned smile_ , Regulus mused. _Only she could muster up something that could be described as a concerned smile._

The two were sitting next to each other at a desk in one of the classrooms connected to the corridor they were meant to be patrolling. Emmeline had brought a couple of Muggle fiction novels with her, and offered one to him. He took it tentatively, and tried to appear less repulsed when she had said, "It's not dragon dung charmed to look like a book - relax." Once he had actually begun reading the novel, he couldn't deny that it had quite the interesting plotline.

"Yes, it is," Regulus replied.

"Then what are you doing here?" Emmeline exclaimed. "Honestly, you're daft. I can cover for you - go celebrate."

"It's not that big of a deal," Regulus muttered, returning his gaze to the book. He hated making a fuss out of his birthday, and if he really had to celebrate it, he would much rather do that in Emmeline's company. What was the alternative? Listening to Avery's lewd jokes about Emma Vanity? Yes, he much preferred the intelligent company of Emmeline.

"You only turn sixteen once, Reg," Emmeline said, a small smile on her face. "I would make the best of it, if I were you."

Regulus only shrugged in reply, but her words stuck around and echoed in his skull. What would count as 'making the best' of a sixteenth birthday for him? He knew what Rod, Bellatrix's husband, would say. He knew what Avery would say. But what would _he_ say?

Little did he know, Emmeline was asking herself the exact same question.

Regulus was not, in fact, the prattiest prat of all time, as Emmeline previously thought. He was thoughtful, observant, and could crack quite the joke if caught in the right mood. Most of all, though, he was sensible. Even with everything running amuck in the school - from Mulciber practicing Dark Magic on Mary to someone engraving the Dark Mark on the Muggle Studies classroom door - he had never actually directly _called_ her a Mudblood, or even given the impression that he would use their time alone to attack her.

In short, he was quite good at practicing self-preservation, and that was appealing to Emmeline, for some reason. Whatever his thoughts were, he was smart enough to know when to keep them to himself and when to voice them.

Which is why he always managed to do something that surprised Emmeline.

Namely, in that moment, it was to lean forward and join their lips, one hand resting on the back of her neck and the other on her hip to pull her closer.

Emmeline didn't push him away. In fact, she let herself fall forward, closer to him, and that was all the encouragement he needed to keep going. Regulus wasn't sure if he had always wanted this, or if it was a spur-of-the-moment answer to his self-imposed question. Or it may have been a way to distract himself from his own certain future, which at the time was a looming Dark Mark. However, he didn't care right then, because nothing had ever felt as good as kissing Emmeline Vance.

* * *

 _5 July 1977_

For the remainder of fifth year, Friday evening Prefect duties had been their safe haven. They had been careful, of course. The combination of Emmeline's pessimism and Regulus' self-preservation ensured that they had never forgotten Silencing Charms, and that their timing had always been impeccable. No one had suspected a thing, and they were both fine with that.

The end of the school year was bittersweet. It meant that he could see Emmeline more often, which was quite thrilling. She lived in London, a short distance from Grimmauld Place in Islington. Her parents were Muggles, and the words 'House of Black' meant nothing to them. However, it also meant that he was getting closer and closer to being marked. _Chosen_ , as his mother had put it.

Regulus didn't resent joining the Dark Lord's cause. He felt it was the right thing to do. It was the way his family did things - they may not have been right, but he felt quite certain that they weren't wrong, either.

Thoughts like those were what made him unsure of how he could like - no, love - Emmeline. When he looked in her eyes, he didn't see a Mudblood. He saw a brilliant, loving, occasionally cheeky witch. He never even _thought_ about her blood status, actually. She could make him forget about all that, even if it was just for the moments they were together, and, for that time, he could see past the war. If only he could protect her, keep her safe, somehow -

No. It wasn't that simple, and he knew it. She knew it too, judging by the mess of a year that the Gryffindor students had to deal with. Their relationship had an expiry date, which both of them were choosing to momentarily ignore.

"Stop thinking so hard," Emmeline ordered in a quiet voice. They were sitting on a bench on the edge of the River Thames, with Emmeline's head resting on his shoulder. It was sunny, and a light breeze was hitting their faces. Their hands were woven together, like some intricate pattern, and rested on her thigh.

"You can't even see my face," he replied.

"I can feel it in your shoulder. It's rather bony right now."

Regulus snorted out a laugh in reply. He removed his hand from hers and rested his arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Her arm snaked around his waist to glue their sides together.

"Are we being silly?" she asked. "It's like we're going for a joyride on a jinxed broomstick. One of these days, it's going to knock us off."

"But it's a joyride," he replied quietly. "It feels nice. I don't want to think ahead. And who knows? Maybe we'll be able to ride it out."

"That's _awfully_ destructive of you," Emmeline observed jokingly. "Really letting go of the reins here, Reg."

Regulus breathed out a laugh and kissed her cheek. "Don't you like it, Em?" he whispered.

Emmeline couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. "You're insufferable."

"Insufferably adorable."

"Oh, gag."

* * *

 _21 August 1977_

Emmeline's room was just as organized as she was. Everything had its place. Everything had a label. Her proudest and most recent addition to the bedroom was a basket labelled 'Knitting,' overflowing with yarn and needles.

Regulus looked down at her and pushed a few strands of her straight, light brown hair out of her face. It woke her up, as he knew it would. She was a terribly light sleeper.

"Merlin, you're so - "

"If you say beautiful, I will hex you," Emmeline interrupted with a threatening tone. She hated clichéd compliments. They lacked imagination and substance, so she thought they signified the calm before the storm.

"And when else am I going to say it, Em?" he asked, a sad smile on his face.

Realization clouded Emmeline's features as her mind put the pieces together. It was starting to make sense, and she hated it. "No, Reg, not now," she whispered. Her eyes were stinging with tears. "We've managed just fine so far."

"That's not it. Something's happened," he replied, brow furrowed in urgency. "We can't keep this up." _Because I'll be a Death Eater soon._ He thought it would be better to leave that out. The more she knew, the more danger she would be in, and he was already doing enough damage as it was.

Emmeline let out a half-hearted, somewhat scornful laugh. "I knew we were being silly," she muttered. " _I_ was being silly."

"Em - "

"You should leave," she interrupted as she briskly pulled away from him and turned her back so he wouldn't see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

After a few seconds, the bed lurched softly and she heard his footsteps on the wooden floor. Regulus turned to give one last look at her pale, bare back, knowing full well that he would come to regret that moment above all others.

There were some things - some loves - that were never meant to be, and they would just have to live with that.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I'd love it if you could take the time to review :)**


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